Chapter 22
1142words
"You sure you won't need this?" I turn to my mom holding the teddy bear I specifically left on my fucking bed
"Why do you have that?" I shake my head, "put it away."
"Honey I don't want you to call crying saying you need it once we leave"
"Mom if I do that, show up with a gun instead and shoot me in the head with it."
"All right" she retracts the bear back to her bag, "Who are you afraid of seeing it anyway? You live alone"
"Yeah thank you for that" I go back to unpacking, "isn't dad waiting in the car?"
"He is but it's only because he doesn't want you to see him be emotional about you moving to college."
Sighing I walk to her "dads gonna be fine mom," she smiles and I can just see the tears coming, "seriously don't cry"
"I'm not" she shakes her head frowning, "I should go traffic makes your father cranky." Nodding "I know," she opens her arms hugging me.
"Um so call us all the time" she starts to let go "come home once in a while, and I love you" "I love you too."
My mom starts to back away towards the door adding "don't forget orientation tonight, let us know how it goes"
"I will," I wave her out the door and sigh once she disappears.
Wow I can't believe I'm actually in fucking college, I know I'm supposed to bring my expectations way down but I can't help it. I went through so much shit in high school for being gay and wanting to play baseball, for being gay and being in the locker room, basically for being gay and existing. Now I don't have to be gay and anything else, I could just be a baseball player, or someone's friend. But if I don't leave now for team orientation I won't make it anywhere on the baseball team.
All I have to do is be cool, I'm not saying I won't come out I just don't want it to be the only thing about me, and I want a real chance here.
Leaving my room I head towards the main building rushing to not be too late for my first team meeting, the coach is supposed to be a hardass but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's cliché and uncool to want to fit in and as the gay guy I guess I'm supposed to not want any of that, but that's exactly what I want being gay is my business, therefore, I don't need to make it anyone else's.
My dad already gave me the "no one takes a gay athlete seriously" speech, can you tell he's still not ok with the idea? If I wasn't put in a situation where I had to come out I probably never would've, not to him at least but I did and it was liberating.
This campus is fucking huge but I finally make it inside, following signs I head to the room we're supposed to be in. Stopping at the opened doors I watch the guys in there walk around talking, still no coach yet so I'm safe.
Everyone's crowded around the table with the jerseys and I stay away, I'll get mine after they're done. "You're new?" Someone walks up behind me asking, oh god please don't be cute, please don't be cute! Turning to look at him I internally sigh, fuck.
"Yeah" I reply, "I am"
"Cool welcome" he reaches out and I look at his hand before shaking it, "what's your name?" "Shane Visser" The moment I say my name his hand stops shaking in mine, but is palm is still against
mine.
He stares at me then lets go of my hand, "You're the gay guy?" "What?" I freeze the moment he asks
"Coach told us one of the new guys is gay,"
"Oh fuck" I look around, they all know "fucking hell" I walk past the guy heading for the door. "No no wait" he rushes stopping me, "none of us has a problem with it I swear"
"Why'd he have to tell you guys? How'd he even know!"
"You're kind of famous," the guy smiles
"How? I was barely given a chance in high school"
Shaking his head "carter boys little league, that's you right?" I nod "coach does check-ups on everyone and was impress with your home
runs, hasn't shut up about you all week."
"Jesus" I cover my face still embarrassed, "I really didn't want anyone to know-"
"Look don't worry about it all right like I said we're cool here, coach only told us when he found out as a heads up." Yeah he outed me to everyone as a heads up... great. "We're all here for the same reason, to play ball so you're gonna be fine."
"You think so?"
He nods "trust me" then pats my back. "I didn't get your name"
"Right I'm Gentry McAllen, unofficial team captain" "Nice to meet you"
"Yeah, you too."
"All right enough chit chat let's get to it" The coach walks in saying loud enough to shut us up. Walking to the front of the room he starts "I'm coach Packer for you newcomers, and yes it's kind of ridiculous we're having our first team meeting on move-in night, but I don't make the rules so deal with it. First official practice is Monday, you'll get your equipment, meet the assistant coach, and get familiar with the field then. Tonight's all about positions and game plan, everyone got their jerseys?" He asks looking at the table "there's one left," coach picks it up, "where's Visser?" He looks around and I gulp stepping forward "welcome to the team" he throws it at me.
"Thanks" I catch the shirt.
"All right what else, I don't like to be bothered with shit so if you're having problems deal with it amongst yourselves, don't bring drama to my field, whatever you're going through stops the moment your feet touches the grass. Got it?" Everyone answers and nods and he goes
on.
It's almost 11 pm when we're finally done, everyone leaves and as I'm walking out of the building I hear Gentry behind me, "Which building do you live in?"
"Oh um Yates," I answer him
He smiles "nice I live right next door in Waller, I'll walk with you."
"Cool" we're outside walking side by side, different groups exit out of the main building, meaning we probably weren't the only ones meeting tonight. "How long have you been going here?"
"2 years"
"And the coach is he always so..."
"Angry looking?" Gentry asks and I nod "just about but don't worry he's not mean, as long as you're here to play baseball he's cool,""I hope that's true."
