Chapter 144
1211words
"Hey..." my roommate Lyndsey walks into my room as I'm buried deep in blankets. She shuts the door and leans against it "are you sure you don't want to come down?"
"I'm not in the mood for poker night Lynds but you guys have fun"
Walking over she climbs in my bed "I have something to tell you but you can't get mad" nothing else can ruin an already ruined mood
"What?"
"I invited Rylan" she smiles nervously "Why?! Why would you do that!"
"Because Keegan! You've been moping around here all week feeling sorry for yourself and I couldn't
handle it anymore"
"So you come up with the elaborate scheme to host a fake poker night at our apartment just so you can invite Rylan? Are you trying to spite me or something?"
"No Keegan! I'm trying to get you two to talk! He misses you and he says you won't even give him the time of day"
I made the mistake of falling for a straight guy, don't believe the stories, straight guys are a trap because all they do is fuck with your emotions then have sex with their ex girlfriends, then deem it a mistake because they had a moment of confusing. I am not confused, I know I fell in love with him. I tried so hard to convince myself that him saying I'm the only person he wants meant something. "Rylan doesn't know what he wants Lyndsey, and I'm tired of hearing I'm sorry every time something happens between us and he runs to his ex"
"He's a guy Kee they don't know any better, just talk to him please" "No! Get him out of this house"
She gets out of my bed "ok fine, but I think you at least owe it to yourself to hear him out, then if
you still feel the same way I'll tell him to get the hell out and we'll get him out of our lives. You and I both know how much you feel for him Keegan, ignoring him is hurting him but it's hurting you even more"
I sigh "what if I forgive him Lyndsey? My fear is that I forgive him and we're stuck in a loop of him not knowing what he wants, and me the dumbass who sits here and waits for him to come back to me after fucking his ex girlfriend"
"What he did was shitty don't get me wrong, and I hate him with the burning passion of a thousand suns for hurting my best friend, but I spent my entire afternoon listening to how much he misses and needs you. He convinced me Kee! And I'm not easy to convince" yes she is.
"I don't want to see him"
"Please just this once for me? He can come up here you guys can talk then whatever happens after that happens"
Burying my head in my palms "fine" I whisper. I hear Lyndsey laugh then rush out of my room. Sitting up I quickly fix my hair and check my breath. Be strong Keegan! You do not need that drama in your
life! Don't fall for- Rylan lightly knocks on the door, I'm fucked. Taking a deep breath and relaxing myself I reply "come in."
Rylan walks into my room as tall as I remembered, still wearing the same red hat to hide his beautiful blond hair. He stands far away but since the moment he's walked in our eyes have been locked and neither of us have looked away. "Hey" his voice rings in my ears
Literally anything is about to come out of my mouth right now, I have zero control "hi" oh thank God!
"Everything I'm about to say will probably sound stupid because I don't know how to not sound stupid apologizing to you." I sit there arms crossed against my chest laid against the headboard watching him talk "what happened with Amanda was the worst thing I could've possibly ever done, but I thought fading out of your life without even an explanation would probably be worst. The night we were in your bed together you told me you were falling in love with me, no one's ever fallen in love with me before Keegan, not even Amanda. All I ever wanted was to be important to someone and you were ready to give me that but instead of taking it, my first thought was to panic. That lead me to her, I needed help and for a reason I could probably never explain I turned to Amanda for comfort" the words aren't rushed out, he's actually taking his time to explain. "I've been in love with you since the day at that coffee shop you spilled your hot coffee on my shirt, and somehow got me to buy you a new one"
"That was the day we met each other"
He faintly smile "I know." He takes a beat then continues "I don't know how you can possibly forgive me, but I'd hate myself if I just didn't try" he stops and I don't reply causing a moment of awkward silence.
"Would you forgive you, if you were me?"
"If I'm speaking selfishly then yes I would because the way I feel about you I hate being away from you"
"Get in my shoes now and answer that again. What would you do if you were me?" "Umm.." he opens his mouth but stutters on the answer "I- I'd uh I don't know-"
"I wouldn't forgive you would I?" He finally looks away breaking the stare, looking down he shakes
his head agreeing with me. "Let me tell you why I wouldn't forgive you. I told you I'm falling in love with you, something you should've been happy about, or excited! But no you freaked out and ignored me. I thought I ruined something and I hated myself for it, but I hated you even more." He stands there and listens "to think I drove you to have sex with someone you told me didn't love you and just used you, killed me. I don't know which one of us to hate more"
"I completely understand. I'm so sorry Keegan I'm an idiot and you were the best thing to ever happen to me."
Getting out of bed I walk past him to the door, grabbing the knob I prepare to pull it open but my fingers stop working. Turning to Rylan still holding the door knob he watches me waiting to see what happens. Looking at the door "why can't I open this door?" I whisper to myself while I awkwardly hold the door knob.
Grabbing my free hand Rylan holds it between his hands "please think about it" letting go he grabs the knob and opens the door himself then leaves.
Standing there with the door open Lyndsey rushes back in "he left! How'd it go?" "Nothing happened" I walk back to bed getting in it
She shuts the door because of all the noise everyone is making downstairs, she sits on the bed with me "what'd you say?"
"I said I wouldn't forgive him"
She frowns "I'm gonna miss him" she lays on me "he was so hot."
